1. I havent tried dialling ''' recently, but something in the way the hairs have suddenly risen on the back of my neck tells me that an emergency call might now be met by a series of star–button options: If you were crossing the road to pop into the Rat & Cockle when the bus ran you over, please press 1 now for the number of your nearest AA counsellor; or If what you are currently choking to death on is a greasy quarter–pounder, please try sticking a finger down your throat; or If the falling roof tile split your head open only because youd stopped to light a fag, please sod off and leave these expensive emergency lines free for a skinny teetotal non–smoker.